The Big Wind Blows
by Editor-Bug
Summary: One day at recess, a bunch of Skool children are playing "The Big Wind Blows". Both Zim and Dib join in on the game, each with their own motives. One-shot! Read & review if you like!


It was just another ordinary recess at Skool. The students were enjoying the fair weather, and frolicking around the playground without a care in the world. But Gaz, who could care less about schoolyard games and sun, was sitting in the shade reading one of those cheesy vampire romance novels.

"Kekeke…" she snickered. "Who's gonna suck the venom out now, Chelsea?"

Suddenly, Dib popped out of a bush. "GAZ!"

"Ah!" Gaz shut the book. "I'm reading it ironically!"

"I've been watching Zim from the bushes...!"

"What else is new?"

"Look at him!"

A fair distance away, Zim was blathering on beside Melvin, who was playing tetherball (or at least trying to).

"...and he ALWAYS makes a mess! Never mind how long I spent disinfecting the kitchen! Never mind the fact that GIR doesn't even have to eat! Never mind my rage and suffering threatening to consume me! Just mess up the whole thing!" he rambled. "Seriously, it doesn't matter WHAT measures I take to keep that place clean, GIR will always...!"

"He just keeps going on!" Dib observed angrily. "I'm pretty sure that counts as harassment! Who'd want to put up with someone ranting at them about things they don't care about?"

"..." Gaz resumed her reading.

"You better believe I'm going to go over there and cause a scene—AGH!" Dib tripped on his way out of the bush. "I should really stop hiding in bushes..."

"And stop talking to yourself," murmured Gaz.

A couple kids gathered in the middle of the playground. "Hey, everyone, we're gonna play 'The Big Wind Blows'!"

"Ooh, Big Wind Blows!" Melvin walked off, letting the tetherball hit Zim in the face.

"OURGH! Hey! I still have complaints to dispense!" Rubbing his cheek, Zim followed Melvin over to the Big Wind Blows players, who were standing in a big circle. "Heh? What type of human recess ritual is this?"

"It's 'The Big Wind Blows'," The Letter M replied.

"..." Zim poked a finger into his mouth, then raised it to the sky. "There's little to no circulation in the atmosphere today. It seems as though your ritual failed."

The children laughed, much to Zim's vexation.

"Aha!" Dib discreetly joined the circle with a new idea.

"That isn't what he meant!" giggled Zita. "Have you really never heard of this game?"

"I..." Zim nervously looked at everyone's stares. "O-Of course I've heard of it! I AM a normal preadolescent human grub, after all! Ehhh, but perhaps you should explain it for any of the more ignorant children who may not have! They know who they are."

"Well, okay!" Zita stepped into the middle of the circle. "This first turn will be just for practice. The way the game works is, one person stands here and thinks of something that describes themselves. It could be their hair color, or something they're wearing, or their favorite thing, whatever. For example, I could say 'the big wind blows if...you're in Ms. Bitters's class'!"

Zim nodded slowly. "Mm-hmmm."

"Then, everyone else who's in Ms. Bitters's class would run to find a different spot in the circle, and whoever's the last to get to a spot then has to get in the middle and come up with a new description. Now, watch and prepare to run." Zita took a deep breath. "The big wind blows if...you're in Ms. Bitters's class!"

The majority of the students fled their places in the circle and frantically tried to take each other's.

"Ha!" Zita pointed at Poonchy. "Poonchy's the last one without a spot, so he has to go to the middle."

"Mm-hmm." Zim nodded more as Poonchy took Zita's place. "And—asking for a friend—what's the ultimate objective?"

"WHAT FRIEND?" exclaimed Melvin.

"SILENCE, TRUANT!"

"Umm, try to avoid being sent to the middle. Whoever's there at the end of recess loses," said Zita. "But the real purpose is to help us get to know each oth—"

"A-HA-HA-HA!" Zim cackled. "That's child's play!"

"Yeah, that's the idea..."

"Very well! Zim shall play, and Zim shall attain victory! Whichever one of you human swine is defeated in this Earth game will undoubtedly be a worthwhile object of my ridicule!"

"Oookayyy, now we can start for reals."

"If I play it right, this game could make the other kids realize Zim is an alien!" Dib said to himself. "Once they have his otherworldly weirdness spelled out for them, he won't be able to deny it! ...not the method I was betting on, but it'll have to do!"

"Who are you talking to...?" Torque muttered.

Without further adieu, the game was on, with Zim confidently breezing through it while Dib impatiently waited for the right time to strike. The young paranormal investigator almost felt like he was purposefully being ignored with each passing turn. Or the fact that he was a despised weirdo was simply being highlighted...yet again.  
Anyway, his opportunity came when it was decreed "the big wind blows if you're wearing black". He intentionally took his time looking for a spot in the circle and ended up in the middle.

Only then did Zim notice him. "So, Dib has joined in on this game as well? Good! He would definitely serve as a fitting laughingstock when he LOSES."

"Okay..." Dib took a moment to consider his words. The drawback here was that any trap he set for Zim had to apply to himself as well, so he had to be extra careful and try to trick him. "The big wind blows if...there's someone you hate."

Odd...but everyone could say that applied to them and got moving.  
Once again, the scythe-haired boy did his best to ensure he'd be in the middle as this happened. But he noticed a couple kids screwing it up.

"Hey, you people! Only one spot each, you're taking up two!"

"Dib, some of us have different body types."

"MAKE ROOM! Make room."

"Sheesh..." The kids were confused, but complied.

Dib returned to his position. "Alright! This time, the big wind blows if...you feel underappreciated, and wish people placed more faith in you!"

Zim was about to run, but stopped himself when he noticed everyone else standing still.

"...well? Why aren't you guys moving?"

"That was kind of a complex description. We hate complexity!"  
"Yeah, I don't know whether to move or not!"  
"Simplify it!"

"Arrrgh…! I should've known better than to expect that much of these people. Alright, this a free turn, everybody just go ahead."

"Is that a rule...?"

"IT IS NOW!" Dib rubbed his temples and the children complied once more. "Now, the big wind blows if...you have any amount of experience with _extraterrestrial_ technology."

As Dib stared daggers at the players, only Zim and Melvin moved from their places. Everyone gave Melvin a questioning look.

"I got a pair of Moon Shoes just last week," he said.

Dib grit his teeth. "WHAT."

"I can't believe it, but Zim isn't the dumb one in this situation," Sarah remarked.

"HA!" laughed Zim before pausing to think. " _Hey_!"

"NO, arghhh!" groaned Dib.

 _BRI-I-ING!_

As the bell rang to signal the end of recess, everyone stared at Dib, who was left in the middle.

"HHHAAAAAAA!" Zim got right up in his face. "Looks like you're the loser, _DIB_! HAHAHA! I guess you could say this 'blows'! For you! HAHA! HAHAHAHA! Ha..."

He trailed off as he noticed all the kids' disturbed expressions.

"Chill out...it's just a game."

They dispersed and shuffled on back into the Skool as Zim's face reddened.

"I swear, each recreational activity you humans come up with is more asinine than the last!" he scoffed. "Never coerce me into such a thing again, you wicked filth child!"

"'You humans, you humans, you humans', how does nobody else hear this?! And hey, you're the one who wanted to play!" Dib reminded him.

"PERJURER!" Zim shot back. "Zim shall ridicule you later! For now...I'm going to keep myself from being the last one inside!"

With that, he kicked Dib in his ankles to knock him over, and dashed inside before he could stand again.

Ms. Bitters poked her head out of the doorway. "Dib! Put all the recess equipment away before returning to class!"

Zim peeped out from behind her and stuck his tongue out before she slammed the door shut.

"...?" Dib looked around at the blacktop sprinkled with kickballs, jump ropes, hula hoops and all kinds of other stuff. "Aw, man...wait. Gaz! Could you give me a hand with—?"

"No." Gaz closed her book, flashed a peace sign and slunk into the building.

"Perfect," grumbled Dib. "At least there's nobody around to drive me any crazier. Because I've just accepted the fact it at this point. I mean, I'm crazy! I am indeed crazy. I'm off my rocker, I've gone around the bend, I'm nuts, I'm coocoo for Coco 'Splodies, I'm freaking insane. I must be! And these people are to blame. After all, they're the ones who..."

Dib continued prattling on to himself as he picked up all the blacktop stuff. It didn't make him any less crazy, but it kinda helped to pass the time. And it was nice to have an attentive audience.

* * *

(A/N: Okay, well, that was my hella weird and hella lame fanfic. I've only played this game once or twice at college orientation, and of course it gave me a fanfic idea because those come from the dumbest places. And _of course_ I had to have everyone make Dib suffer because I always...oh wait, the show did that first.  
I think this turned out just alright, but I wanted to get posting it over with.

Well, please review, fave, point out any mistakes and check out my profile for more stories! Au revoir...)


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